The Money-Grubbing Robber-Barons

Rest assured, you will perish,

fiend.

It has come to my attention that some of the prints of my acquaintances, or as you know them, "World Leaders" have been taken away from you, my enthralled readers. I would like to blame the money grubbing robber-barons who were so quick to dash my dreams of a cross-Atlantic rail-road long ago. To them I say, look now how the tables are! I mean you Carnegie! I'll get you! I remember, like an elephant, and I never forget! You though you could get away with it, but I know. You lied! You never had a bingo! Again, like all my endeavors, you were there at the precise moment to snatch away my winning bingo-card! But rest assured, Mr. Carnegie, you too will face an untimely demise at the hands of an unusually strong circus-ape, just like Vanderbilt before you. They can't pin it on me, but we both know that it couldn't have broken through the restraints without a little help. You'll rue the day you crossed me, Carnegie, and I will have my bingo-revenge! Curses!

I'm Not Dead, Just Sleeping!

Well listen here children, gather 'round, 'cause uncle "shout at you and threaten to beat you with his cane" Nartholomewl has a story! Once upon a time, there were a bunch of fat old men who called them selves "pol-o-ti-tions" and used it as an excuse to snatch little children like you up into nets and sell them into sexual-slavery! Let that be a lesson to you! I'm not dead, it was just too much medicine. The wet nurse is coming back, and I'm not supposed to be talking to you kids after that accident with the playground and the mummified remains! She's here now, time for my sponge bath. Maybe if you;re good I'll tell you what-ever happened to that arch-nemesis of mine, "Martin Van Buren," the "President" of the "United States"