I'm Not Dead, Just Sleeping!

Well listen here children, gather 'round, 'cause uncle "shout at you and threaten to beat you with his cane" Nartholomewl has a story! Once upon a time, there were a bunch of fat old men who called them selves "pol-o-ti-tions" and used it as an excuse to snatch little children like you up into nets and sell them into sexual-slavery! Let that be a lesson to you! I'm not dead, it was just too much medicine. The wet nurse is coming back, and I'm not supposed to be talking to you kids after that accident with the playground and the mummified remains! She's here now, time for my sponge bath. Maybe if you;re good I'll tell you what-ever happened to that arch-nemesis of mine, "Martin Van Buren," the "President" of the "United States"