The Heroic Mr. Jackson

Old Hickory himself could not have killed

enough foreigners to prevent his own fiery demise.

Compared with the other sinful presidents, Mr. Jackson was very agreeable with. He was somewhat of a hero to my youthful self. Apart from his daily pleasure-time with the local hoores, he was a staunch xenophobe. A young man such as myself could not refrain from merriment in his company. While in the Oval Office, if a servant were to attempt to bring to him his daily medicine, Andrew could often be found behind an upturned desk, waving his musket whilst shouting racial slurs. "I'll be damned if I let your filthy injun hands touch my scalp!" was a favorite of his. One day, a large amount of deceased mailmen were found dead in the presidential gardens. Think them Spaniards sent by his rival, King Phillip, sent to reclaim Florida, he killed them dead on the spot. Three days later, Mr. Jackson perished in the blast after taking up arms against a group of children from the local convent. Setting the nunnery on fire a few moments too early, Jackson was unable to escape. He will be missed.